Cabin Boy Jens

The Adventures of Cabin Boy Jens is a long-suppressed Swedish book that may not actually exist, chronicling the erotic adventures of an innocent lad who is captured by pirates. Although no copy has in fact been found, rumored chapter titles include:

Chapter One: In Which I Am Taken By Pirates
Chapter Seven: A Jolly Roger Indeed!
Chapter Eight: Yo, Ho—Blow the Man Down.
Chapter Nine: In Which I Swab the Captain’s Deck
Chapter Twenty: In Which I Discover That The Captain's Notions of Discipline Are Medieval Indeed
Chapter Twenty-One: In Which the Captain Gives Me A Hand
Chapter Twenty-Two: In Which I Go Down Without A Fight
Chapter Twenty-Three: In Which the Captain Makes Me Come Over There

A few illustrations, have, however, been located:

Chapter One: In Which I Am Taken By Pirates

Chapter Twelve: In Which I Am Stuffed in a Sack and Taken to Spain

The captain insisted that Saturday night dances were good for crew morale.

One illustrated chapter also exists:

Cabin Boy Jens: What's In a Name?

One morning when we were docked at an exotic port, the Captain tossed me a jacket with gold buttons and braid on the shoulders, and only a little blood around the saber slash in the middle of the back. "Here, put this on," he said. "I have a treat for you today--I'm going to take you into town." I don't think he even knew it was my birthday.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash from the back room.

Note: this is what happens  when you spend too much time on Podium Cafe...a random series of posts from a few days in mid-August, beginning when majope is taunted once too often by ursula about their relative VDS rankings:

Bears have absolutely no concept of "strategy"
as should be evidenced in an hour or two when I post the Ed League standings right here in this thread.

Incidentally, don’t blame me should another cabin boy join Jens on board the Merry Hornblower just in time for Chapter 31: In Which the Cook Gets a Taste for Bottom-Feeders and Makes Me Flounder. I’m thinking his real name will be something like “Kip” or “Pip” but for some reason everyone calls him by a female name… Perhaps it’s the Saturday night dances.

by majope on Aug 16, 2010 6:26 PM EDT up reply actions
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Do it! Do it!
by ELVISGOAT on Aug 16, 2010 6:59 PM EDT up reply actions
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Laugh my fucking ass off
I’m sure I’m getting my comeuppance when you post the Ed standings.

by ursula on Aug 16, 2010 7:09 PM EDT up reply actions
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Oh hey!
The discussion of (frankly inedible) leafty vegetables has died off. The BDSM subthread was short-lived. I’d say that there is ‘hope’…

by Lou... on Aug 17, 2010 9:17 AM EDT up reply actions
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"Now and then we had a hope
that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates."

No, not Cabin Boy Jens—who?

by majope on Aug 17, 2010 9:19 AM EDT up reply actions
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Twain
What do I win?!

by Lou... on Aug 17, 2010 9:23 AM EDT up reply actions
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An appearance in the next Cabin Boy Jens adventure.
What color is your hair again?

by majope on Aug 17, 2010 9:29 AM EDT up reply actions
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Black. It's a black bob-cut

by Lou... on Aug 17, 2010 9:37 AM EDT up reply actions
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I can do that.

by majope on Aug 17, 2010 9:38 AM EDT up reply actions
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Cabin Boy Bip...no, that's not quite right...
Cabin Boy Chip? Getting there, but that’s not it either.

It’ll come to me.

by majope on Aug 18, 2010 6:33 AM EDT up reply actions
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skippy

by umwolverine on Aug 18, 2010 7:19 AM EDT up reply actions
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Oh, and--Happy Birthday, Jens!